The 'Trad-wife': A dissection by the OG trad wives of our time...

What the nonnas I cook with make of 'Trad Wifing' and why the trend is so dangerous

Kalimera one and all,

There’s been a flurry of new subscribers in recent weeks and I imagine it has something to do with hot tips for summer holidaying in the Mediterranean. Thank you all very much for supporting the work I do - I’m committed to keeping the hot tips and nonna recipes coming! What my old time subscribers will know is that beyond tips and recipes, I use this newsletter to share wisdoms from the elderly women I cook with along with my personal experiences. Today then, will be a little dip into these life experiences, in the context of a new and worrying ‘trend’ that has cropped up on social media…

I first noticed the ‘tradwife’ hashtag on instagram reels and posts that made me anxious. Glossy images of perfect mother figures with watering cans in verdant gardens, trailed by tiny, cherub looking tots (usually blonde), a voice over detailing how important it is that women stay at home with their children in the early years in order to form ‘secure attachment’. Sending kids to day care - these posts purport - is equivalent to abuse and will lead to your children not feeling secure and safe within their family framework.

I’m a working mother of a two year old and can say that without daycare and help from a brilliant babysitter, I would go insane. This actually did happen to my own mother, who moved to an island in Greece in her twenties, had two kids and was forced to take on the role of the ‘trad Greek wife’, living with the in laws and devoting her days to cooking, cleaning and changing nappies. My mother’s isolation led to depression and an eventual nervous breakdown and this affected our relationship forever.

So, when I did come into contact with the ‘womansphere’ (essentially a conservative movement of the far right that uses pop culture and social media to spread its anti progressive rhetoric) on instagram, it gave me an uneasy feeling. Of course I don’t want my child to be psychologically affected by my dropping my daughter off at day care every week day but my own experience has proved to me that the alternative damaged my own mother and our relationship beyond repair. I’ve also spoken with enough women over the age of eighty to know that a life solely dedicated to the family and the home comes with frustrations, losses and insurmountable pain, if that’s not what truly makes you happy…

In southern Italy, I met Alfia who cried tears that wouldn’t stop when I asked her about her life and if she had any regrets about how she had lived out her youth.

I don’t have regrets but I do think about the years that have passed with a sense of sadness because I married very young. My husband was a good man but he didn’t open up and I was a girl that needed words. I wanted someone to tell me that I was beautiful and that they loved me but this never came from him and I suffered because of it. We just didn’t speak the same language when it came to love.

I think in many ways, things have become so much better for women since I was younger but this should have changed a long time ago. That way, I might have had a better time as a young girl. I was expected to work all morning at the house upstairs, cleaning and cooking for another family and then I would return home and my husband would want lunch to be ready and waiting for him on the table.

Alfia, born 1939, Riposto, Sicily

Having done a little digging, I see the womansphere and trad wife trends in which young women are encouraged to find themselves a man, stay at home with the kids and spend all day loving this scenario, uncomplaining madonnas baking cherry pies for their husbands’ return from ‘the office’ has spread much more insidiously and wider than a few instagram reels. The claims of the women leading the charge in this area are that they are tired of ‘trying to have it all’ - hitting a nerve for most of us overworked mums with little help from family and over priced childcare. Wouldn’t it be great, they say, if we could just spend the precious hours with our children instead of grinding out the hours at the office?

Instead of pushing for benefits for young mothers, free childcare, healthcare and maternity leave, the womansphere wants women back in the kitchen. If you haven’t heard of this growing movement, what I’m writing may sound over-egged but check out

Elena Bridgers

fantastic newsletter and words on the topic. She quite cleverly points out that -

There is nothing traditional about it. “Tradwives” is short for “traditional wives,” but whose tradition are we talking about here? As it turns out, the whole phenomenon of wife-as-homemaker is a mere blip in the history of humanity. As I often write about in this newsletter, women were gatherers for 99% of human history, and gathering brought in more calories than hunting. Women’s economic contribution, reach and influence has always extended far beyond the home. Even in the post-industrial world, the whole phenomenon of stay-at-home wifies only existed for probably a few decades, at best, and only for mostly-privileged, mostly-white women.

Look up the American Evie Magazine for more of an indication of where things are going. This glossy young women’s magazine pushes a far right agenda, with sex tips for women who are virgins when they marry and advice columns on how to keep a man. It uses teen girls’ obsession with pop culture and gossip to deliver a sinister message: look pretty, be fertile and do what he wants.